


How Do We Kill Him?

by MaudeZbornak



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Ben and Rey Get Revenge, Bisexual Ben Solo, Cheating, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Humor, Inspired by Twitter, Love Triangles, Office Sex, One Shot, Poe Dameron is a jerk, Revenge, Revenge Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Sex, Sexual Humor, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:06:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29835060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaudeZbornak/pseuds/MaudeZbornak
Summary: One-shot revenge story, inspired by this tweet: https://twitter.com/Marvel42Captain/status/1366901385833242627"While in line at a coffee shop, Rey and Ben discover they are dating the same person (gender is dealer's choice), and both their relationships were meant to be exclusive. Angry and humiliated, they decide to coordinate their break ups so that they make a scene. In the process, they fall for each other."They also have sex.
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 15
Kudos: 99





	How Do We Kill Him?

**Author's Note:**

> This prompt wouldn't leave my head until I wrote it. This was a fun break for me in between a few long fics I am writing. Hope you enjoy it. As the prompt implies, the story is instigated by a cheating incident (cw).
> 
> This was written in the space of a few hours. Please accept it in the spontaneous spirit in which it was written.
> 
> If you like this, feel free to check out my other works and/or hit me up on Twitter at @maude_zbornak.
> 
> Thank you for being a friend.

The barista held up a to-go cup and announced, “Grande hazelnut latte, half-caff, almond milk, light foam with cinnamon.”

Ben raised his hand and called out “Here,” just as a petite young woman -- cute, hair in a ponytail, blue halter sundress -- did the same.

He’d been standing next to her in the wait line by the pick-up station this whole time and now noticed. Probably the same for her. “That’s a rather specific order,” he said, smiling. “What are the odds?”

“I know, right?” The woman laughed. A nice laugh, too, like music. This might have worked as a rom-com meet cute, leading to his helping her save her cupcake bakery from financial ruin by robbing a casino...in another time. Ben had a boyfriend now. Those were the breaks.

He called out to the barista for the name on the cup. There wasn’t one. “You’re kidding,” he said. His coffee twin seemed equally annoyed. “I had a tall Kona black with mine, is that up next?”

The coffee alongside the coveted hazelnut latte was a tall blonde espresso with stevia. “That would be me,” the woman said, shooting Ben a look of apology.

“Go on, it’s yours.” He was content to wait, as he often did here. He really needed to find another location with better service.

Ben watched the woman shove the cups into a cardboard tray. “I think I need to train my boyfriend to drink something less complicated,” he said. “Something I can brew at home.” He said the last part louder, wanting the cafe’s crew to hear it.

“That’s wild. This drink is for _my_ boyfriend.”

“Yeah?” The rom-com took a predictable turn, one that gave Ben pause. He checked his phone for the text thread he’d started that morning. He was expected to stop by his fella’s office to drop off the coffee before going on to the nearby co-working facility to start his day.

 _Just to be safe…_ “So he’s expecting you?”

The woman shook her head. She loaded up the tray with napkins. “It’s a surprise,” she said. “He’s been working hard lately. Lots of late nights. I just want him to know he’s loved and that I support him.”

“What’s he doing that he keeps late hours?”

“He’s head of graphic design for a marketing agency.”

Ben’s stomach roiled. “Kenobi Creative?”

The woman’s hands stilled. She looked up at him, her expression odd. “Yes.”

“Wavy brown hair, killer smile, great kisser.” Ben wanted to knock out every one of that great kisser's teeth.

Her smile was gone, too. “Yes.”

Ben called up his photo gallery and scrolled to a selfie of himself with Poe at the park. In the photo he was planting a wet one on his boyfriend’s cheek. Could he still call him that?

“This him?”

The woman’s eyes widened. She pushed aside the tray on the order counter and got out her phone. In seconds she showed him a similar pose, her kissing Poe. The roil turned into a full-on volcano.

He put out his hand. “My name is Ben Solo.”

“My name is Rey Niimba.” She took it.

“Rey Niimba,” Ben said, “how should we kill him?”

***

Rey shut off her phone. She freelanced, so work emails could wait a bit. This time was for serious recon work.

Eventually Ben got his order. They found a table in the corner and sat, each taking the lattes meant for Poe and drinking them. Didn't matter that they hated Poe's choice of beverage; he wasn't getting shit today.

She began the interview. “How long have you been seeing him?” she asked.

“Five months.”

“Four and a half." So she was the other woman. Damn. "How did you meet?”

“Grindr.”

“Tinder.” Why had she never bothered to look at his phone? Poe always had it out, tapping away at something. For all she knew, he was texting Ben while with her. “You’ve slept with him?”

“Yes.” Ben paled at this, as though expecting to hear the same from her.

“Son of a bitch,” she muttered. If this wasn’t the best Monday ever...

“That he is,” Ben said. “You know, I told him my last relationship ended because she cheated, and he assured me he wasn’t like that at all. My fault for being so trusting.”

 _She._ Interesting. Rey appraised her new friend as he stared out the window. Nice profile. Hair a girl, or guy, could rake through all day while he laid his head in their lap. The suit fit well on him.

“What do you do for a living?” she asked him. She learned that Ben was an IT consultant and basically ran his own business out of home, but used a co-working office for important gatherings.

“I was heading there now. Shit.” He took out his phone. “Better postpone that meeting.”

“That’s wild. I design websites.”

“That’s how I started. We should form a partnership. Coding and Killing, Inc.”

“How _should_ we kill him?” she asked.

Ben lifted the lid of his latte. “I’m halfway down on this. I say we fill the rest with Drano and hope for the best.”

“Or…”

Ben’s gaze snapped at her; he looked willing to listen.

Rey leaned in. “We torture him slowly.”

“Go on.” He reached for a chunk of the scone she offered.

“Break dates. Send vague texts. Refuse him sex. And just when he least expects it, we go for the throat.”

Ben grinned, showing a devilish smile. “When do we start?”

“What time is it now?” Rey winked.

***

Ben started with an apologetic text. _My 9 am asked to move it up. Can't deliver ur coffee. Sorry hon. 😞_ Poe told him not to worry, and Ben offered to make it up by treating him to his favorite Thai place. _See u at six. ❤_

They waited, and Rey's phone buzzed. "Holy shit. He wants me to bring him his damn latte," she cried. She texted her own bullshit excuse. "I'm not Doordash, you prick."

"Now what?"

Rey folded her arms on the table and slid her tongue over her upper lip. A cute little quirk for deep thinking. Ben noticed a few people staring as they walked past.

“Not now, but later,” Rey said, “we meet up at five forty-five for Thai at a table near the back. I usually get Pad Thai with shrimp. What about you?”

“Massaman curry.”

“Wanna go halfsies?”

“Sure.”

***

At six they’d reduced the spring roll appetizers to bits of basil and were portioning out their entrees when Rey noticed Poe being sat by the window. She and Ben had a table in the back, near the ubiquitous potted palm for extra camouflage, and they sat together behind a large menu they’d asked to keep “to look at the desserts.”

“Give him ten minutes, then text your regrets,” she said, scooping up some of Ben’s curry sauce for her rice.

“Make it fifteen. Let him suffer. He never orders until I get there,” Ben said, and they spent that time laughing quietly and eating while Poe simmered.

***

On Tuesday, Ben received a text from Rey. _Poe asked to come over. What’s the plan? Your turn to pick._

Ben knew Poe’s schedule. He typically got home around six, and Ben lived about ten minutes away from him. He called her. “How far from you does he live?”

“Twenty minutes, I think? I’m in the apartment complex above the shops in the Mos Eisley district.”

“You live above that bookstore?” he asked. “I practically live there.” A plan formulated quickly and he ran it by her.

***

Poe’s car came to a stop along a free space on the side of the busy boulevard. Ben watched from inside the bookstore and timed his exit for when Poe approached the entry keypad to Rey’s complex.

“Poe!”

Poe turned, paling at the sight of Ben approaching. _Deer in fucking headlights._ He was going to enjoy this.

“What are you doing out here?” Ben came over and kissed full on the mouth. He knew Poe wasn’t much for PDAs, and he reveled in his soon-to-be-ex’s reaction when heads turned. They stood a few feet away from where Poe was planning to ring Rey’s apartment, and Poe executed an awkward crab walk toward the bookstore.

“You said you were working late,” Ben said.

Poe nodded. “I was. I am. I…” Smoke damn near streamed from his ears. “I just needed to pick up a few magazines for this account I’m working on.”

“Well, great. I was headed inside myself. I’ll keep you company.” Before Poe could protest, Ben linked their arms and they entered the bookstore. Ben hovered and asked about which magazines he needed and why, peppering him with question after question until Poe grabbed the first five he could reach and bought them.

“I’ll walk you to your car,” Ben said afterward, and tried not to laugh out loud when Poe stammered and eventually acquiesced to let Ben guide him back across the street.

“Hey, listen,” Ben added through Poe’s open driver side window. “I’m really sorry about dinner last night and want to make it up to you. How about you come by tomorrow night and I’ll cook?”

Poe seemed to like that idea. “Sure, I appreciate that.” With Ben covering the side of the car, he didn’t mind so much the kissing this time. Ben stepped onto the sidewalk to watch him drive off, then crossed back to the bookstore where Rey was waiting.

They ducked behind the manga shelves and watched the windows. After ten minutes, Poe’s car rolled to a stop in the same spot. He dashed back across the street, and soon an app on Rey’s phone rang.

“This rings when somebody pages me at the front door,” she explained, and held a finger to her lips. “Hello?” she answered.

“Hey, babe. It’s Poe. Buzz me in.”

“I can’t.” Rey’s voice turned cold but her eyes illuminated with mirth. Ben bit his lip to keep from laughing.

“Why not? If you’re in the bathroom I can wait a few.”

“You’re half an hour late, asshole,” Rey shouted into her phone. “I gave up on you. I’m out with my friend Rose.”

“Where? I’ll come meet you.”

“Sorry. Girls’ night out.”

But Poe wheedled and begged and apologized. Made up an excuse about heavy traffic that had Ben seething inside. Finally, he watched as Rey reeled in the fish. “Fine,” she said. “We’re driving out to Kanata’s if you want to hang with us.”

 _Oh, lord._ Kanata’s was out on the edge of town. At least an hour's round trip from here. Rey rang off and Ben fist-bumped her. “Nice touch. Wouldn’t have thought of that.”

“Let me text my friend and loop her in,” Rey said. “She’s cool. She never cared much for Poe, so she’ll have no problem playing along…” She nudged him. “You’re reading that?”

Ben had one of the manga paperbacks in hand, the latest in a series he was currently devouring. Feeling a bit silly that she’d caught him, he slid it back on the shelf.

“No, it’s fine,” she said. “I loved that series.” She gestured to a trio of books nearby. “I was thinking about starting these next.”

“Those I liked,” Ben said, and that launched them into a new conversation that took them over to the bookstore cafe for the next hour.

***

On Wednesday, Poe arrived at Ben’s with a bottle of wine. Ben served up eggplant parm with penne to go with it. After Ben cleared the plates, he joined Poe on the couch with the remaining Viognier, but his soon-to-be ex seemed interested in another vice.

They started kissing. In the past, Ben would have relished the feel of Poe’s lips on his and Poe’s rubbing his hands up and down his chest. Now it all felt so dirty. Yet he played along, counting down from five to one in his head.

His phone rang.

“Don’t answer it.” Poe spoke with his lips pressed to Ben’s neck.

“Can’t ignore it, hon. That ringtone belongs to my biggest client.” Ben tore away and Poe sighed. He answered Rey’s call and feigned surprise and appeasement while she sang a Britney Spears tune.

“I’ll be right there. Yes. I can handle this,” he said, and gave Poe his best hangdog expression. “It’s an emergency. I am so sorry. No idea how long I’ll be.”

“What the hell, Ben?” Poe huffed, not quite in a hurry to go. “You work remotely. This isn’t something you can do from your laptop?”

“My highest-paying client has a security breach, Poe. I need to go look at their servers and make sure everything is functional and secure. It’s not something I can access from here,” he said. Poe had only a vague notion about his work; he could describe something out of _Star Trek_ and the man would buy it.

“It can’t wait until tomorrow?” Poe stroked Ben’s arm. He shrugged away and stood, trying to motivate Poe.

“If I don’t go now, they won’t be my client anymore.” Ben grabbed his jacket and keys, and Poe followed him out with reluctance. Ben made a show of getting in his car and driving in the opposite direction. When he was certain Poe was on his way home, he returned to his parking space and home.

Rey pulled up in the guest spot next to him, emerging in a cute black number hitting her just above the knees. “Excellent work,” she said. “So, Kanata’s for real?”

“Come on up. I need to change.”

In Ben’s apartment, Rey inspected his media shelves and marveled at his pop figurines. “Is this a ComiCon exclusive?” she asked about one from his favorite TV show.

“Yeah, it set me back some. Poe said it was silly to spend the money.”

“Well, fuck him.” Rey kept her gaze on his stuff. “I love zombie anything.”

“Really?” Ben never entered his room to change. “There’s one movie I was saving for the weekend, but if you haven’t seen it yet…”

Rey turned and smiled. “Even if I have, I’d watch it again.”

So they forewent clubbing, made popcorn, and watched _Shaun of the Dead_. Rey kicked off her heels and snuggled against Ben on his couch. Ben put an arm around his new friend, thinking he could get used to this.

***

On Thursday, Poe called Rey again and she lied about having a yeast infection. Ben ghosted all of his calls and texts, then met Rey after work to try a new Vietnamese place. Neither worried about running into Poe there, since he hated pho.

“Why would we date a man who hates pho?” Rey asked. “What’s wrong with us?”

Ben slurped up his noodles. He had no idea.

***

Friday. D-Day. D for Dump.

Kenobi Creative opened for the business day at eight-thirty sharp, and Poe’s boss expected punctuality. At eight forty-five, Rey strode into the lobby of Poe’s work building and took the elevator to the Kenobi offices on the sixth floor.

Poe’s workplace utilized an open concept layout, with Poe having the only dedicated private office on his floor. From what Rey gathered in her time as Poe’s -- _shudder_ \-- girlfriend, the boss convened his weekly status meeting with all department managers at nine.

Rey walked past the desks, nodding and greeting everybody, and knocked on Poe’s open door. “Hey, sweetie,” she said and waved the hazelnut yada yada latte at him. “Thought I’d bring over a little treat on my way to see a client down the block.”

Poe was dressed in a nice suit this morning, a sign of an important work event to come. He beamed at her and invited her inside. “You’re a sight for sore eyes, especially after the week I’ve had.” He came over and kissed her. “I am so sorry about the other night. What do you say after work we go up to Kanata’s for drinks and dancing? I’m ready to have some fun.”

“Mmm, me as well.” Rey set the coffee on his desk and draped her arms around his neck as he circled his around her waist. “How about a little preview of the night’s festivities?”

She drew Poe into a deep kiss, closing her eyes and thinking, of all things, about Ben. They’d had too much fun this week putting Poe through the gauntlet, that it became less about revenge and more about enjoying Ben’s company. They had many likes in common, and with this final act about to happen she wondered if Ben would simply fade away.

They couldn’t very well continue to torture Poe in order to stay together, though. That would get old in time.

“Poe? What’s going on here?”

 _Showtime_. Rey drew slowly away from their kiss and turned toward Ben. He stood in the doorway with the same latte, his shocked act perfect.

“Poe, who’s this?” she asked.

“Oh, he’s…” Poe dropped his arms to his sides and backed away. Rey purposely kept her gaze away so as not to break character.

“Yes, you mentioned Kenobi hired a new vice-president,” she said, and held out her hand to Ben. “I’m sorry, we were fooling around on the clock. I’m Rey, Poe’s girlfriend.”

“I’m Ben. Poe’s _boyfriend_.”

“What?” With Ben behind her, it was easier now to turn for Poe’s reaction. He’d gone near catatonic, his expression a mask of fright. She almost felt sorry for him.

Almost.

“What do you mean, boyfriend?” she demanded. “Like a ‘bro,’ right? A friend you hang with, a pal?”

Ben stormed deeper into the office, putting himself between her and Poe. “No, more like a partner. A lover. Somebody you buy coffee for as an act of spontaneity because you’re supposed to be in love.”

Rey pointed to the cup in Ben’s hand. “Grande hazelnut latte?” she asked.

“Half-caff, almond milk,” Ben said, nodding.

“Light foam with cinnamon,” they finished together, then glared at Poe in unison.

Poe let out a nervous chuckle. “I can explain.”

Ben tore the lid off his drink. “Explain this at your meeting,” he said, and threw the cup’s content on Poe’s suit. Rey knew the coffee would be lukewarm. They’d planned it as such, but Poe hadn’t been informed. His loud wail fizzled quickly and he looked down at the large brown stain on his shirt.

“What the hell, Ben?” he cried.

Rey came forward with her cup. “You missed a spot,” she said, and caught Poe’s tie and collar.

“Damn it!” He leaned toward his desk for the box of tissues. Shreds of thin white paper rolled on his wet suit as he failed to dab away the stains. “I have to be upstairs in five minutes!”

Meanwhile, bodies had gathered in the doorway to watch. Rey heard the snickering and turned to check. One of Poe’s underlings said to the other, “I knew this would happen eventually.”

“Thanks a lot, you guys,” Poe barked at him. No _I’m sorry for cheating on both of you_. No _I admit I am a terrible person who deserved worse than this._ He accepted no blame and admitted no wrongdoing, but stormed out of his office to applause.

Ben walked to the door, asked Poe’s co-workers to give them a minute, and closed it. Rey then leaped into his arms and they whooped with joyous victory.

“Did you see the look on his face?” Rey bounced in her low heels, lighter than air when Ben lifted her and spun her around the room. “His shirt looked like a tie-dye experiment gone wrong.”

“I bet he’s in the men’s room wringing it out right now,” Ben said.

“Who cares?” Rey asked when he set her down. “He’s out of my hair for good.”

“You and me both.”

“Thanks for doing this with me,” Rey said. “Were it just me, I might have taken his sorry ass back.”

“Same. This gave me the strength to get out.” Ben lifted a hand to cup Rey’s cheek and they stood for a moment, gazing into each other’s eyes. Their shared mischief had come to an end, but could something else begin?

Ben’s line of vision then panned to one side. “What’s that on the floor?”

Rey turned and looked down. She also saw the condom. It must have fallen out Poe’s pocket. “That’s not,” she began.

“Our brand,” Ben finished, and they looked at each other. “That son of a bitch. Who else was he fucking?”

“Whoever he or she is, they can have him,” Rey said, and bent to retrieve the rubber. “Shame to waste it, though.”

Ben took two steps backward and locked Poe’s door. Rey swept everything off Poe’s desk.

His meeting notes, blotter, lamp, laptop. All hit the floor with a mighty crash. She hopped on the edge and hiked up her skirt when Ben surged forward and crashed down on her, his hungry mouth on hers to pry it open. Ben’s hand slid over her thighs and grasped at her panties. Rey yanked his belt free and undid his trousers. All clothing impediments were pushed aside to allow for a glorious revenge fuck on their ex-boyfriend’s desk.

She lay back, tugging at her shirt to caress her breasts while Ben sheathed his cock and pounded into her. Holy fuck, he was huge. Rey brought her legs around him and dug her heels into the backs of his exposed thighs. “You know what else would be fun?” she asked in between grunts.

Ben’s face was reddening and his hair hung down. Rey raised a hand to rake through it. “Fucking you in the ass, right here?” he bit out.

“Maybe later. I was thinking we also go out and do it on the hood of his car.”

“Oh, we have to do that.” Ben collapsed on top of her, still humping away. He was insatiable, and didn’t stop when the first knock sounded on the door. “I’d love to see you spreadeagled on the hood so I can eat your pussy.”

The knocking persisted. Poe’s voice called out, “Why did you lock my door? Open up!”

Rey ignored him. “Then we’ll go over to his gym while he’s working out, and I’ll ride you on the weight bench.”

“Right in front of that wall mirror. Reserve cowgirl.”

“Fuck yeah.”

The doorknob turned rapidly. Poe shouted to be let inside.

Ben turned back, still fucking her. “We’re not done yet!” he roared.

They wouldn’t be done for another ten minutes. After which, they put themselves back together as best as possible and emerged to greet about a dozen open-mouthed people gathered before the door, Poe included.

Ben gave one last glance behind him and said, “Dude, your office is a mess.” Then he guided Rey to the bank of elevators and they left, happy to be in each other’s company, in search of Poe’s car.

THE END


End file.
